Agent Cyrus: A MuTeens Side Story 3: It's a Resident Evil 4 story, but with only 3 parts? I CALL BULLSHIT!
Agent Cyrus: A MuTeens Side Story 3: It's a Resident Evil 4 Story, but with only 3 parts? I CALL BULLSHIT!
Disclaimer: This is obviously a fictional story. Names, people,places are all fictional, even if they're based on real World counterparts. They are parodic imitations that in no way are meant to be the originals. Especially since they're all acting out of character...
Now that Miley had left Nick, he entered the Brig. There he had to fight a Regenerator, who was made mincemeat thanks to the Garrador claw. "Maybe I should hack the actual game to have a Garrador playthrough." Said Nick as he reached the Military base and had to clear a ton of Soldier Ganados.
With the enemies cleared, Nick sat for a few seconds to catch his breath and opened the attache case.
"I got green herbs and red herbs... How do I use them?" Nick pondered as he ground the herbs with a "spice grinder" before eating them. Then he ground another batch and smoked them.
"I'm not going to shoved a tree up my ass." Nick thought before returning to the mission. Entering the Medical storage room, Nick saw Saddler and Doreen when Miley fired a whole TMP clip on the cult leader; allowing Doreen to be freed. Then Miley shot some explosive barrels blocking the way for Saddler.
"What about Miley?" Asked Doreen.
"We'll have to take the scenic route." Nick said. "A little bit longer and we're out of here!"
After a little detour, both Nick and Doreen reached the Machine Luis had mentioned. With it, they scanned themselves to confirm there was no Plagas inside them and Nick Managed to disassemble it to retrieve an actual PRL-412 and Modify it to be as powered up as the one Doreen had been using.
"Here." Said Nick as he handed her the PRL and a black Bandana. "VG Logic will give you infinite ammo." Now fully armed, the duo pushed forward. Meeting the Merchant for one last time.
"Ello there, Stranga, Boob girl! Oi, where's Good ol' Hannah Montana?" Asked the Merchant.
"This place is gonna blow!" Said Nick whole making an impression of the Merchant. "Betta head to the land down under, mate! There women glow and men plunder!"
"Aren't you too young for that reference?" Said the Merchant.
"I'm gonna miss you." Said Nick as the Merchant left. "Doreen, head to the docks and find the Jet Ski. We're gonna need it." Said Nick as he went down to the boss fight. There he saw Saddler with a tied up Miley. As Saddler began rambling on, Nick freed Miley with a knife throw and followed by a flashbang to blind Saddler. After a few shots from the Typewriter, Miley tossed a Rocket Launcher for Nick to finish the job.
Saddler, a defective Nick clone, fell and before the Real Nick could collect the sample, the barrel of a gun connected with the back of his skull.
"I need that plaga sample, thank you very much." Said Miley as Nick handed it over. "Don't worry. You earned your Hannah reward. I'll let you jerk off to the sight of her naked." Said Miley as she jumped towards a helicopter. "Catch!" She said as she tossed a Hannah Montana Keychain at Nick.
The helicopter left and Nick had to get back to the docks where Doreen was waiting on a Purple and gold Jet Ski.
"Really, Miley?" Said Nick. "So Karai wasn't Ada?"
"Let's goooo!!" Exclaimed Doreen as they got on the jetski.
After dodging falling rocks and other debris Nick and Doreen reached a safe spot.
"Mission accomplished." Said Doreen.
"Not quite. I still got to take you home." Replied Nick.
"So, when we're back at my place, how about some overtime?"Asked Doreen.
"Sorry, no." Said Nick.
"I mean having lots of sex, stuffing me like a Thanksgiving turkey then glazing me like a Krispy Kreme Donut. Leaving me unable to walk for a week and giving me enough dick to last me a lifetime." Doreen replied.
"Oh, THAT overtime! Count me in!" Nick said with a smile before stopping the jetski. "We could start here. Take off your panties and I'll unzip. Sit on my lap and we'll let the sea guide our rhythm." Said Nick.
***
On the other side of the island:
Karai was navigating a dinghy as she reached a yacht. Once aboard, she retired to her chambers where she removed a condom full of Nick's semen. "Call Doctor Chaplin and tell him we have a sample." Karai Said to a kunoichi.
***
EPF Airship:
Bishop was pacing as Miley woke up from the VR pod. "Really, Bishop? Having me kill my Dad? That was low, even for you!" Said Miley.
"Actually, John had nothing to do with it." Said Billy Ray. "Wanna point fingers? Then the target is Little Cade." Billy Ray said before leaving. "And John, dick move on forcing me to work with Miley for this mission. Mixing family and work is problem, especially when family doesn't want to be family." Said Billy Ray as he left. Miley rolled her eyes.
"Hate to admit it, but he has a point, Uncle John." Miley said while.making a Nick impression.
A young EPF Agent woke up from the VR pod. "Sir, I don't think this is a good idea." Said Agent Johnson as she straightened her uniform. "Nick doesn't work well with deception."
"That's why this VR mission was important. The deception was his own creation." Said Bishop. "We acquired what we needed and more. There are very few bugs in the system and we can move to stage 2. Oh, the Prodigal son returns." Said Bishop as Nick awoke from the pod.
"What the hell, VR? I had a VR Mission, which would've been perfect to use Meyal Gear and you chose Resident Evil 4, Uncle John?" Nick said annoyed. "Wait, Doreen? You're an EPF Agent?"
"Duh!" Said Doreen "87.92% of JWB Academy end up as EPF Agents. Also, I want your real dick, not your VR Dick." As Nick stood up, Bishop walked towards him.
"So, how was it?" Bishop asked.
"Graphics were good. Tactile, olfactory, and taste were perfectly reproduced as well." Said Nick. "But this much computing power should be impossible using Earth technology... I'm going out on a limb and say that certain black boxes within your device are extremely inhumane and unethical." Said Nick. "I will figure it out and I know you attempted a mind probe, right after Del Lago. Shortly after the Verdugo fight and after the Laser Room." Said Nick. "Honesty is the best policy, Uncle John. Your paranoia may make a foe out of me and you surely don't want that. Not a threat, Uncle John, but a reminder. In any case, I have to go... I'm taking Agents Cyrus and Johnson as they made promises that I'm going to e sure they keep." Said Nickas he flung both Miley and Doreen before both agents tazed Nick.
"Your lust is your downfall, my little Naphtali." Said Bishop as Nick faded out of consciousness.
***
Medical Room:
Nick woke up strapped to a bed reminiscent of the Torture rack from Shadow Moses. Bishop had his back to Nick, while Doreen had unbuttoned most of her Uniform. Miley was standing at the Rack's controls.
"My original plan involved former Agent Clarke to deliver an exposition speech with a British accent, talking about Genes and the superiority of yours." Said Bishop. "But he's taken a liking to you. So he refused. He even warned me about you having the power to stop me." Bishop said as Doreen unzipped Nick's pants.
"Don't get hard, don't get hard..." Nick muttered as Doreen showed him her bare breasts. "Fucking Judas!" Nick Yelled angrily at his now erect penis, which was getting stroked by Doreen.
"I heard about the amazing properties of your semen and I wish to study it." Said Bishop. "I know you would've refused if I asked you to cum for me. Then again, you've left your DNA all over town. I know what I said and IEAN IT EXACTLY LIKE THAT!" Said Bishop. "Physical extraction while you were in the pod was impossible, as it would've broken the immersion. So, I had to go with the trusty old subterfuge."
Nick struggled to get free. "Boy, those shackles are silver coated not to mention your bed has slats of wrought iron, blessed by the Pope. I have known of your demonic heritage. That was the main reason I had an interest on your mother. That is why you're my little Naphtali, the Slayer of God. Barbara's demonic heritage is far weaker than yours. It was your mother who awakened Redd's demonic genes." Bishop rambled on. "While I CAN'T access the Demon realm YET, I know about it and big events oh Lord Asmodeus. I know how you tamed the Siguanaba leader with your mighty penis. Or your run-ins with a former associate of mine, a man of many names, but I like to call him Drac Jr." Bishop chuckled. Nick kept struggling. Doreen threw away the canister she was holding and began to deepthroat Nick, which made him confused.
"I'm not interested on using your semen as a performance enhancing drug. It cannot be synthesized But Maraviglia's clones we salvaged from the California coast. These nonsentient 'blanks' were harvested to use as a biomechanical demonic computer. That's the source of this new VR Training program. The 2-3 days you spent in the Resident Evil 4 Mission your subconscious conjured was roughly three hours of real time." Said Bishop. "While we were unable to probe YOUR MIND, due to feedback issues, Agents Cyrus and Johnson's minds were easy to penetrate. Relax Agents, we didn'tlook at the information within. Only if we could access it. In any case, I leave you three to fulfill Nick's Metal Gear Solid sex fantasy." Said Bishop as he left.
"I'll pass." Said Miley as she left Nick and Doreen alone.
***
Outside the Medical Room:
Miley followed Bishop outside. "Bishop, what the hell!?" She Exclaimed angrily. "Why are we torturing one of our best assets!?"
"It's not torture. It's a warning. My little Naphtali needed a reminder of who's the boss here." Bishop said nonchalantly. "Someone has to keep him in check and it seems that you're getting soft on him. Has he broken you, Agent Cyrus?"
"No." Replied Miley. "I'm just worried that he may get a different idea. Poke the bear enough times and it will fight back." She said.
"In any case, Agent Johnson will be your new Assistant and I believe you needed some time to do another fundraiser for your charities. You earned it and a sizeable donation by the EPF. Keep towel boy in check." Bishop chuckled. "Too many fingers in too many pies."
Mikey sat on a chair after Bishop left. "Shit. Guess I'll call her. Wonder if she'sbacl from her Honeymoon." Miley thought.
***
MuTeens NYC HQ:
Nick had returned home via Cubus portal. As soon as he appeared, Grace jumped off the couch and landed on Nick, wrapping her legs around him and kissing his forehead.
"You're back! How was the mission? How was spending time with Miley?" Grace asked with a hint of jealousy.
"Grace, can you get off?" Nick asked.
"Later while thinking of you." Grace replied without missing a beat.
"Not remotely what I meant." Nick quickly added.
"I know, but I will anyway, since this time, we'll be covered by Romeo and Juliet laws." Said Grace excited.
"We've discussed this already. Once you're eighteen, we'll talk this over. I don't want you to feel like you hav-"
"I want to." Grace interrupted. "This is not a silly schoolgirl crush. It was before I met you, but I met you and the real you is far sexier. I've seen WHY Chloe, Alicia, Tribble Barbara, Sarah, even Dr. Joaquina and the others LOVE YOU. You saved me. You fought my blood and the law for me. You'd die to protect us. Your biggest power Is your heart. My heart, my mind and my soul are yours. The only thing I have left to give you is my body... just as you've given me your heart, your mind, and your soul." Said Grace.
"You won't win, Dingus." Said Darcy as she sipped on her Boba tea. Darla laughed.
"She might not be a Cade, but she's as persistent as one." Darla said as she finished combing Alicia's hair.
"Graciella has had MY blessing for quite some time. Not to mention everyone else's. So, don't make her wait too much!" Said Alicia.
Tribble walked up to Nick and Grace. Baby Miley floated towards Nick.
"Niklas, her powers are manifesting." Said Tribble. "No telepathy yet, but she has telekinesis, daddy!"
"Gacie!" Exclaimed My'Lee as she telekinetically brought Grace closer to her. "Dada! Mama! Gacie! Baba!"Exclaimed My'Lee as she also brought Barbara to the hug.
Redd was escorting Miley inside when My'Lee noticed "My'ee!" Said My'Lee as she brought her namesake to the hug and floating towards her godmother.
"She floats now?" Asked Miley before blowing a raspberry on My'Lee's belly. "I had a conversation with a former Hannah Cast Member for another Charity collab. She's a married woman, so no Incubus or Succubi influence on her, Nick, Ashley. She is a fan of Mass Mistress, Mary Sue and Kage." Said Miley.
"Was she a guest or a regular?" Asked Natsumi.
"Is it Emily Osment?" Asked Mr. Cade. "I mean, Female, Hannah Montana cast member, No cubus magic on her warning, because she's married. It's obvious! What? I liked her in Young and Hungry, Young Sheldon, and obviously in Spy Kids 2."
"It's kinda creepy when you talk about celebs younger than you, Old Man." Replied Nick.
"True, but I've seen YOUR Lola Jar..." Mr. Cade replied with a grin as he pulled a large Mason Jar full of freshly made mayonnaise. "Picture this, with a Lola Luftnagle doll but instead of mayo it-"
"I know what a Rainbow Dash Jar is and made the connection." Miley interrupted. "So, I was wondering if we could use your Grandpa's place for the second special? Jenny told me about some upgrades. Yes. I am friends with your horny robot."
"My Old Man was joking about the jar..." said Nick.
"Good thing Lola never got towels... also, Doreen will be coming, as she's my new Assistant." Miley replied.
"Doreen? Wait, you don't mean Doreen Hunt?" Asked Barbara. "Nick you completely ignored her after the stairs incident. Wait she's an EPF Agent and you glazed her already?" Barbara said Telepathically. "Licia, Nick's been naughty. He glazed Doreen Hunt."
"Another COW!! Nicholas Raymond Cade, YOU WILL DIE!!" Exclaimed Wonder Alice as she began chasing Nick with murderous intent.
"Ooh! Second Karaoke competition!" Exclaimed Ashley. "Also, are we picking Mr. and Mrs. Anthony at the Airport?"
"Of course?" Said Miley. "Three days. Ashley, can you book then a room at Your family's Hotel?"
"Sure thing, I'll speak to Marilith." Said Ashley.
***
JFK: 3 days later:
Nick was wearing the black tux while holding a Hannah Montana themed sign that said: Mr. & Mrs. Anthony. He waited a while until a couple approached him.
"Really? A Hannah Montana sign?" Said Emily.
"I think it's kinda cute, especially knowing WHO sent him to pick us up." Said Mr. Anthony.
"I told her to let me use a Spy Kids 2 sign, but noooo! Sorry, follow me Mr. and Mrs. Anthony." Said Nick as Barbara, Chloe and Natsumi flanked the couple. "Don't worry, these ladies are part of the security detail." Said Nick as the couple was escorted to a limo. With their luggage safely in the trunk, Ashley digitized herself and Nick took the driver's seat. Bar Ara took the passenger seat, leaving Chloe and Natsumi sitting in the back with the guests. "This is Sweet Nibblets One calling on Hannah. We have the Lola."
"You are pranking us right now..." said Emily mildly annoyed.
"Calm down Gertie Giggles. The prankee is another." Said Barbara telepathically.
"Eagle One those are not the signs, nut glad to hear the package is secured." Said Miley annoyed. "Buckle up especially if Cade plays the Knight Rider theme." Said Miley.
Emily whispered something on her husband's ear. He smiled. Emily was grinning.
"Hey, GameDude! How fast can this baby go?" Asked J. Anthony.
"Pretty fast. Is there a bun in her oven?" Asked Nick. "This baby is so fast that it could detach the placenta and cause a miscarriage." Said Nick. "No matter, we're here. Hell's Kitchen, home of the MuTeens."
"Wait what?" J.Anthony asked perplexed.
"Buncha science stuff that mere humans wouldn't comprehed... but in simple terms: car has alien tech that allows it to go real fast but you barely feel it inside." Said Ashley. "Now you two will follow Dingus, GameDude to the Hotel Loby. It's out of this world."
"Follow me Anthonys." Said Nick as he opened a Cubus portal to the Love Nest. Once inside, Nick gave them a pair of bracelets. "Keep these on you AT ALL TIMES!" Said Nick. "Otherwise You might get stuck in another dimension and tracking you back is a pain without them." Nick waved at Marilith who smiled at them as Nick took them to Room 2 after the first flight of stairs. "Rooms 1 and 3 are occupied by your fellow Castmates Miley and Mitchell respectively." Said Nick as Mitchel Musso opened the door before falling on the floor.
"Marilith, bring out a five gallon of water! We got a Drunken Oaken! Who gave him a Zagam?" Exclaimed Nick as he ushered the Anthonys to their room. "Let me get Mitch patched up and I'll answer your questions. Don't drink the beer."
Nick exclaimed as he helped Mitchel stand.
"Oh hey Lilly!" Slurred Mitchel before drinking a bottle of holy water that Nick gave him. "Oh wait, Lilly's not real You're Emily. Miley is the one who is Miley. I'm Mitchell, not Oliver. Occifer I am not drink, drank, drunk! Drunk! That's not what I am right now. Inbernieated, yes." Said Mitchel.
"Dude, want some food? Name it and I'll try to get it, within reason..." said Nick as Marilith brought a water cooler, which was placed next to Mitch's bed. "Drink some more water."
"Char siu... no rice." Said Mitch as he plopped on a chair and drank water. Nick nodded and Marilith left.
The Anthonys stared at Nick. "Is he going to be alright?" Asked J.Anthony.
"Yeah, he'll be fine. Better get a shitton of Bero then." Said Nick. "Settle in, once Mitch is back to shape, we'll talk on the lobby. Uh, Jack, Emily, did you guys see Last Year's MuTeensKaraoke contest? Basically, Emily, Mitch, and Miley will be judging the contest. The MuTeens will donate 100K to the charities chosen by the three former Hannah cast members." Said Nick.
Emily's phone buzzed. "My lawyer. Excuse me." She left Jack with Nick.
"This is awkward..." said Nick.
"Why is it awkward for you. I'm the guy standing next to a Superhero because my wife is going to be in an unofficial Hamnah Montana reunion for charity and you had a crush on her." Said J.Anthony.
"Am I that obvious?" Said Nick.
"You're a bit nervous around her and when talking to her you're staring at the base of her scalp. As long as we're all respectful here, there should be no issues." Said J.Anthony.
"Dammit, why did you have to be so cool?" Nick whined. "But yeah. I won't be adding your wife to my harem." Said Nick as Jack looked confused.
"Wait, what?" J.Anthony asked shocked.
"Nevermind. Point is that this relationship will be professional. Unless I meet Haley Joel... This Keyblade won't sign itself." Said Nick as he pulled a metal Keyblade. "I forged it myself. It has a sister blade, that I would gift him."
"So this was a long con to meet my brother." Said Emily as she saw the Keyblade.
"Actually, Honey.' Said J.Anthony. "He was talking about his enjoyment of Spy Kids 2 AND how Lilly is his favorite character from Hamnah Montana. But, yeah, he made that Keyblade for your brother, as you know he's the main character of Kingdom Hearts and Nick here is a gaming hero."
"So, I'm his favorite Osment... not just cause I'm a girl and he's known for being a horn dog with a harem." Said Emily staring inquisitive at Nick. "Miley gave me the 411 on you, Mister! Also, the check cleared with the charity, so you got your judge... Miss Sora Luftnagle. I saw the unaired Vernon episode. Ashley is a riot! Oh hey, Mitchel!"
"Oh hey, Emily, Jack... GameDude!" Mitchel said as he put on glasses and was carrying a glass of water. "That beer was Hella strong. I'm not touching alcohol ever again."
"All that's left is-"
*You get the Best of Both Worlds! Chilling out take slow whe. You rock out the show*
"Ahoy hoy!" Said Nick as Miley entered the love nest.
"I'm late for ten minutes and Mitchel's fighting a hangover, Emily is trying not to kill you because you either perved on her or made her fell like you're using her to meet her brother." Said Miley as she went upstairs. She greeted her former castmates. "Now, Nick, conference hall. Doreen, get Mitch something greasy and substantial. Now let's hurry and finish the whole legalese crap."
"Was she like this on the set of Hannah?" Asked Nick.
"Nick, why haven't you changed my ringtone?" Miley asked.
"Oh, it's THE Lilly Trs'cot!" Tribble Exclaimed as she carried My'Lee. "And THE Oliv'r Oak'n!"
"Everyone, meet my interdimensional Princess wife. Tribble. Now Trib, this is Emily Osment, she plays Lilly on the show. Her real life husband, Jack. And Oliver is not Oliver. He is Mitchel." Said Nick. "Everyone, this little cutie patootie is my daughter My'Lee H'nah Kade"
Emily began making faces at the baby before addressing Nick. "Wait, if I'm your favorite character, Why is she named after Miley?"
"Because I'm Tribble's favorite character AND the baby's godmother." Replied Miley. "And ever since we met, back in 23, he was trying to get me to introduce him to you."
"I'm sensing a little bit of tension in the air." Said J.Anthony.
"Dude, try living with over 15 women with synchronized periods. And like 10 of those are superhuman." Said Nick. "Two former childstars arguing is NOTHING. Hell, fighting hordes of Stone Warriors is easier than that."
"So, are we traveling to your Grandpa's house via transmat, your Airship, or the other portals?" Asked Miley.
"Well, we'll leave tomorrow morning." Said Nick.
"It's early so let's deal with the legal stuff. My lawyer already contacted yours and submitted the donations to your charities. While you guys can wear outfits reminiscent of the show , the skit I had planned cannot be made since the mouse vetoed it."
"So that's it? We just listen to you sing and that's it?" Mitchel asked. 'Seems easy enough. Anyways, I still feel a bit crappy due to that beer from Hell. Cstch you tomorrow. Nice seeing you again, Miley, Emily."
As Mitch left,Emily excused herself. "Guess we'll sleep early. See ya tomorrow." As she grabbed her husband and left.
"You influenced them with your Juju, didn't you?" Miley asked as she stared daggers at Nick.
"Guilty. Funny thing. They look great together. I hate it, but I'm a big softy. So, to extend their honeymoon phase, a little cubus magic will enhance what they already feel. I don't bend wills. I amplify them." Said Nick. "Wanna have a non-alcoholic drink?"
"Sure." Said Miley as they sat and some passionfruit juice was served. "So, what's on your mind?" Miley asked.
"The whole VR thing." Said Nick. "Please hear me out. You made some promises there. I'm not going to hold you over them."
"Wait, so you don't want to see Hannah naked?" Miley asked.
"Of course, I do! But I'm not going to force you to do it." Replied Nick. "It's not honorable and I do have a compulsion to put honor over power."
Miley points at Nick's arm. "Your tattoo is your motto. But OK. I'm not getting naked for you then. Too bad because Hannah was going to masturbate for you so you could glaze her like a Krispy Kreme Donut. Maybe even let you stuff her like a Thanksgiving turkey. Yeah, you and Doreen's intense sex did turn me on a little bit." Miley teased.
"Me and my big mouth." Said Nick.
"No takesies backsies." Miley teased. "At the same time, thank you for that. Most guys would've screwed honor for sex, yet a Literal Sex Demon is more interested in my emotional well-being than Satisfying his urges. I love you like a non-southern brother."
"So you're my big sis now?" Said Nick.
"Something Like that. I too will hit the sack." Said Miley as she stood and kissed Nick's forehead.
"I'm still keeping Best of Both Worlds as your ringtone, Big Sis from another family." Nick teased back.